My childhood was like most kids with a mum and dad that loved me. It was not until i was 10 that things changed. All the kids in my street use to all play together and we took it turns at who's house we played at. One of boys had a pool. So we all started going there in summer, a lot. It was there that I was first sexual abused by his father, I was told like most in these cases "if you tell, no one will belive you". This happened a few more times until the family moved away, I tried to tell a teacher but they would not listen.

 

I remember growning up we used to have borders stay at our house. and some times my parents freinds would sleep after a party or drinking session. I was 11 by this time and one night after a party a very close family friend come into my room and touched me in places that he should not have. I can remember the smell of beer on his breath. I wanted to be sick but all I could do was lie there and cry as he told me he would hurt me if i yelled out or told any one. I kept thinking what was i doing wrong for these people to hurt me like they were.

 

 

 

 

Just before my 12th birthday my mum and dad split up and we moved away down south. Everything was going great for a while i thought that no one was going to hurt me in that way again. But I was wrong, so wrong. The last person that abused me was the worst and he abused me from when i was 12 to when I was 16. It started off with him just touching me but it did not stop there. He raped me and the whole time he had a smile on his face. All I could do was cry. This happened every time we had to be left alone together a few people knew what was going on but they all kept quite they have since told me that the wish that they had spoken up or tried to help me. I was so depressed with all this I did not see a way out. I was scared to tell anyone cause when I told someone I was hit with a belt for telling and it did not stop what was going on.

 

I have lived with this for so long that as far back as I remember I have had very bad nightmares every night. last year it realy come to haunt me and I did not know what to do. My husband knew something had happened to me as a child but not what or by who. I thought if I told him he would not love me anymore and I had it in my head that I would not deserve his love and that if anyone knew the whole story peolpe would look at me different and treat me different.

 

Yes I still see 2 of the men that abused me and people can not understand that I love them but hate what they did to me. I will never forget what they did to me and I will never forgive them I was a child and did not ask for any of it to be done me.

 

I watch my children so closely now and have told them what happened to me as I never want either of my children to go through this. Please if you have chidren boys or girls talk to them about what peolpe could do to them as it not strangers that are the worst offenders, it is close family or close family friends that are the ones that do it the most damage.

 

As an adult surivor I am only just coming to terms with it and my nightmares are going away. I hope that if some one reads this and it stops one child being abused it was worth how hard it has been for me to write this. I just hope that people that know me will still treat me like they used to. I am still the same person i was before I wrote this.

 

 

Well thank you all for reading this I hope it helps some others.